Today

Life is seemingly approaching an unavoidable collision.

This was written, this past July...it was editted to protect the innocent.

Today

Today has been a trying day Many things have come to a head It appears as though my work is insufficient to meet the redonkulous schedule I would hazard a guess that my replacements are being brought in It is very frustrating that much can't be done to improve progress and that the dates that are given appear to only be best guess and totally abandonable by all whatever the reason You make the deals but a word and a handshake no longer mean shit My wife loves me My son is the bomb I am flying out to the middle of nowhere to be verbally berrated for that which I cannot change or control I long for a simpler life One if less stress One with Less physical restrictions I long to ride my mountain bike To be transported to another world To forget the shackles of his materialistic society To recommune with nature To live life rather than bear thru it I wish I could be stronger yet long to be weak The horizon is remarkably beautiful A quiet beauty roaring above the droning of this pollution spewing beast I wonder what is next What will we become Where wil we go What will we do Sometimes I feel the crushing of loneliness The desire for comfort The want to belong, to be accepted and to find my reason My acceptance of working to make money so I can give it away has fled No more No more will I be a pawn, no longer will I sell this precious time doing busiwork that has no meaning, no cause, no end There is more much more to be had much more to live for There need be ways to do better To live a life I am proud of To own a career that inspires That breathes passion That isn't work but rather a will There is so much to miss out on It is time for a change It is time to read more A time to grow relationships To find my place To fight my demons To slay my fears A time for rebirth I wonder I wonder what to do Who I am Who I see in the mirror How to return a fire to my eyes How to find balance How to renew health How to stop the madness How to accept my weakness How to cry How to long How to see past the past, past the present How to step boldly into the future The seat next to me is empty There is the good of this, More room for selfishness There is the bad, I sit alone Our finances worry me, Our spending, Oh our spending. I must find a way to reduce my commercialism I must stop procrastinating It's time for a change Not just spare change

Real change

a psalm of lament

composed summer 2010 during the very intense week.

Oh Dad,
Don't treat me as I deserve
Show my wandering soul your mercy I lose count;
my vast number of transgressions against you piles
My indiscretions are many
My selfishness runs rampant I seek the wrong pleasures
My love for you too often wanes.
I live for this destitute world,
Sin floods my soul, separates me from my life in you
Materialism overwhelms me, The chasm widens.
Need for acceptance leads me down undesirable paths
My thoughts sicken me
My heart betrays you, betrays me, it betrays all which is good.
I am shortsighted, my struggles overwhelm me
I can not contain my sin, your eyes penetrate to my deepest thoughts
You lay me bare
In front of you I can not hide my wrong
I try
Though i try to run, you seek me I attempt to hide, you find this coward
The sh!t I put you through, the crap i cover your image in is detestable.
i writhe in your presence.
Oh Lord, my God.
You wreck me.
Destroy all that is wretched in my soul
Purify me from discontent.
Love this sinner, forgive my morbid humanity.
Hold me in your fatherly embrace Lift me from despair
Rejoice in your child.

Goats for Gold - Olympics!

Squeeze Me...

So I had been procrastinating on this race for quite some time. I always love doing it but as I missed it last year I just sort of got out of the groove of it. Went for a ride Saturday morning to ponder my options as the rain they forecast hadn’t hit yet. Had just had the Major’s hubs redone by Pieriks’ Cycle as well as some flashy yellow bar tape added. Took the major for a boot from the domicile out to and through the Dundas Valley and back on a lovely typical fall ride, loving the colours and crisp autumn morning air. Returned home some time later and was still undecided on the Squeezer. They were calling for deluge of rain overnight and the Squeezer’s home trails being the 12 mile creek and Shorthills are notoriously good but are clay based and turn to greasy snot when wet! Headed down to Ottawa St in search of some furniture and whatnot after enjoyin a lovely second breakfast with my Tanya at Limoncello’s. The only thing better that breakfast is second breakfast! As the rain started, I started painting the baby room with a fresh coat of primer…as the honey-do list was getting long. Saturday 3:28pm, signed up for the Squeezer. Since I waited to the last minute I had my choice of the ‘B2’ wave or the ‘A’ wave. I chose the former, over the latter, as I didn’t think my lungs, body and determination were up to riding with the big kids. Went down to the basement and pumped up my back tire (CO2 leak from flat in stage 3 of CTS) and pronounced my bike fit for the squeezer! Well a hardtail would have been a better choice, and a 29er hardtail even better than that…but alas those options were not available at that time so we go with what we got…an Ellsworth truth with a leaky fork. Sunday morning arrives after a long night of rain, drive Tanya to work, gather up my gear and the monster and heard out the door fro some sloppy fun. Dropped the monster off en route at J&A’s place and carried on to St Kitts. Arrived in the not so thriving not so metropolis of St. Catharines around 9:40 and headed over to Montebello Park to sign my life away in exchange for a little chip and a small number plate. Grabbed my best looking kit (CTS jersey with Sweet Pete’s shorts), and was about to saddle up for a warm up around the area, when my parents showed up! It’s always nice to have fans! I hadn’t seen them since before CTS, and they were happy I survived that in one piece and always love coming out to my races (especially the squeezer with the sweet treats at the end). Saddled up, warmed up and proceeded to the finish line. There I hung out with many familiar faces in the B2 wave, some Wescam riders, and some Wednesday night roadies. The start wasn’t until 11:06, 6 minutes after B1. The B2 group looked like a real mixed bag of nuts, men, women, children, lycra, cotton, sides, runners, uber skinny, fat, freeriders, full face helmets, it was going to be interesting. Just prior to our start some skinny mid-twenties punk decided that he could fit in front of me but there really wasn’t room for his bars so I know then it would be a slow start…how I overcame the urge to pop his tire still entirely evades me. Off we go, well sort of skinny punk actually can’t get going because, and as predicted there wasn’t room. I smile and wave for the cameras as we head off down Ontario St. I’ve rode this race, excluding last year, some 6 times and know exactly what we are in for in the starting 5kms. As we took the first corner there were people all over the place, the gong show had begun. I decided to make my move up the pack, into the wind, on the St Paul bridge, this went well…passing little girls and elderly men. As we took a Left left on Henrietta and Hainer the riders were still all over the place and it was purely survival of the fittest, or he with the biggest testis. We then proceeded on the wide and wet doubletrack where I took the opportunity to pass more people thru the puddles as they went around them; this is great two fold as you not only get to pass them but you get to splash them with crud water as well! The pace was actually very mild on this section and it was into the wind but there didn’t seem to be a shortage of willing victims to ride at the front. I just say in 10 deep and hoped for the best. I knew where we were going and what needed to be done, also quite confident of my big guy burst sprint aways I was confident with my plan. With about 130m before the double track ended chicaned under the bridge into the single track, I made my move. Took off and gapped the lead riders with effort but without redlining, then disaster struck. I took the corner faster than necessary I guess, it was dry my brain told me although not registering that my tire were wet, and down I went. Quickly, picked myself back up in time to regain about 15th entering into the singletrack. At approximately this point it decided to unceremoniously begin raining. The singletrack was greasy at best, and more rain surely wasn’t going to help. Slipped and tripped along the single track mixing in some running, sliding and abrupt dismounting (both intentional and not), until we got to the top of the reservoir where some passing was in order. Tire choice seem to be decent for keeping me mostly in the proper cycling position but due to the slippery trails much was not able to be take at ‘fun speed’. The squeezer when dry really is a roadie’s dream course. The bridges were like Teflon and no fun whatsoever, after climbing the seemingly never ending road and diving back into the single track I proceeded to dismount and run the hill as I knew that that bridge was hell on wheels. I was right actually I nearly died trying to run it! Kept the pace as high as possible and passed as many folks on the double track as I could, definitively needed to make up some time lost on the front half. Was feeling strong and confident in the trails, too strong as I was upended when I lost traction and plowed head first into the ground near Brock U, there was no one around to see it but my neck is sore enough to vouch for it. Enjoyed the rest of the trails, followed someone through the Suzanne trail at what would be considered a conservative speed, and laid it all out on the last stretch of double, up the hill, over the bridge, down and up and down and up. Took the last hill past the devil, fully locked out in the big ring and rode off into the sunset…er finish line. Where some lovely volunteer (unsung heroes) removed that dastardly burden of a time chip form me and let me no my way. I was met by my cheering parents, my buddy J and the monster at the finish line. Was convinced to go to first aid tent to get cleaned up but the line was too long so I found someone with a hose with a high pressure nozzle and cleaned out the road rash. Turns out I came in third in the Double Magnum category (this is for riders of a certain girth). Stuck around to collect my trophy and while waiting picked up some grub at the festival. Also, took this time to take photos of the ‘A’ wave which you can find below. All in all, it was a good day, special thanks goes out to Tanya for supporting me and to Liberty Bicycles for running a first class event.

2009 Crank the Shield - Day 1

Was tons of fun... more to follow. photo cred: Photo Ted

Pre-amble: Prior to signing up for this race in June (before Vermont trip) I had spoken with many people who had done it the year prior. Most of them said it was logistically a good experience for a first year stage race but that the trails were sooooo wet that it turned them off from repeating this event for 2009. Had spent most of the evening packing and repacking my stuff into the lovely blue CTS bag provided…repacking was basically adding more stuff as it was not quite full yet! I basically brought everything I owned including lots of tools and spare parts and tons of clothes. Day 1 Alarm goes off at 5:00am which is really 4:45am in the real world, I consider myself a morning person…but this was way too early. Race start was 10:30, Haliburton forest was 3hours and 23 minutes away according to Google but in order for the math to work out favourably I would have to get across the top of Toronto prior to ‘rush hour’! I was out the door coffee in hand at 5:20am (real world time). The drive was uneventful, just the other side of Lindsey it started to rain and I had disparaging thoughts running through my mind to which my only solace was that I brought wet lube. Stopped at some ‘hole’ to use the lieu and grab another coffee, which could only be described as undrinkably awful, and a krueller (fuel) which was at least 3 days old and carried on. As I drew nearer to the start the rain stopped and the heavens opened up before me and life was again as it should be…sunny! Arrived around 8:50am availing plenty of time to get my last minute preparations taken care of. Parked the wagon, got my bike together (put front wheel on it), got chamios’d up complete with some chamois butter (TMI), dropped off my bag at the gear truck and decided, in a stroke of brilliance, that it would be best if I didn’t warm up and just used the first ¼ as a warm-up. Well, the start was rather anticlimactic, was really hoping for some hillbillies with shotguns to do a 21 gun salute but it was not to be and off we went. Started a ways back in the pack, probably not wise as the 3 guys in front of me locked handle bars for some 20’ before disattaching themselves successfully and worked my way up but there was a lot of miles ahead and getting too spent at this point was not the idea. After about 6km of gravel road, mostly downhill = not a good warmup, we hit the trails running, or biking, the trails were challenging and as the field had not yet strung right out there was immense pressure to clean everything or get outta the way. The trails were challenging and without the proper warm-up I found that I was quickly overheating, unzipped the vest and jersey took on more water and kept on going. Later on I stopped and removed my armwarmers and headthingie so that I my body could properly regulate temperature. The peoples on the trails were mighty friendly and kind with very few exceptions. I found myself riding entirely with people I didn’t know. Then I met Tanya, this was a total fluke, days earlier my partner for this event informed me that he had sold his spot to some girl named Tanya from Ottawa…now normally I am really bad with names but this one seemed easy enough to remember. I looked back and seen her plate number and that she was sporting a Joemamma jersey, introduced myself, she passed me and that was that…strong. After much huffing and puffing, and a couple spectacular dismounts I made it out of that section and onto the fireroads. This is where I met Brazilian Dave! Well actually we had met before at HAN, we with some others held a nice formation through the fireroads, there was a beautiful line down them that seemed to sweep from right to left and back all the way, it was so awesome. There was much more single track, plenty of tough trails and some real fun rock features. One thing of note was how quiet it was out there, for a race with 230 entrants you were often riding in complete solitude for 15 minutes at a time before passing or being passed. It was hard to ride with other riders as our strengths seemed to all be quite different. Some could climb, some descend, and some attack the single track. There were sections of short hills which I rocked; the one joy of being an oversized cyclist is the uncanny ability to attack anything that is a false flat (1-2 degrees) as though it isn’t really there. I took off from the group I was riding with and made attempts to catch anyone I could. I was feeling freshish now having regained some composure after the singletrack and was truly enjoying it. I would not say that the first day was a race day, I went hard in spots but definitely kept it at the forefront of my mind that this was day 1 of 3…I had to make it through 3 days. Day one was making for a ton of elevation, climbing not being my forte I took it all in stride. There was a 5km road section 9 km form the end I was told, caught a tailwind, locked the truth out, and grabbed big gear; the 5km was over before it started it seemed but the race was not. The last 4km of the race were some truly tough single track with plenty more climbing, and with 73km in the legs it was truly some tough sleddin’. And I was impaired psychologically by some lovely volunteer who announced it was 2km when it was more like 5km. 2km later someone told me it was 20 minutes…okay I, just give it to me straight as I have been out of water since I got on the road! Oh well, lesson learned you should never take candy from strangers. Bike handled fine for the day, no cleaning or service would be necessary aside from some chain lube. There was a lovely feed station with subs, chips, pop, ‘nola bars, cookies, eload, water and the likes right at the finish line. Results, in Chico style, were available instantly just beyond the feed station. From there you could see your gear bags and were directed to your cabins by some most helpful volunteers. The volunteers were great although it would be nice if the 80 pound bags were carted to your cabin as after 77km of racing, it truly is a struggle. I spent much time stretching on the dock, the camp, although rustic, was situated on a serene lake and had all necessary amenities. Got cleaned up, chatted with some peoples I know or know now. And hit up the second sitting for dinner. Food was great with plenty of options even for those that don’t eat potatoes… Sat around for some time, enjoyed a Wellington, caught the awards ceremonies for the day and talked to my better half for some time on the mobile standing still as reception was hit and miss at best. Decided to call it an early night…tomorrow as a big day! Flatter but with lots of short ups and downs that were going to wear me down I was told. Lost or destroyed: 1 pair of Sugoi RS bibs now have extra speed holes thanks to beautiful line that kicked me into tree on Lakeshore trail – still wearable in proper company. Sleep – many hours lost. Stage Time 5:33:22.21 Stage KM 77 Average Speed 13.86 Total Time 5:33:22.21 Total KM 77

9 Hours of Mountainview

August 15th arrived before I was ready for it, for some reason this race seemed like a good idea, although I’m not sure how I could have rationalized riding around in a rock infested 8km circle up a ski hill for 9 hours, but alas I did. I was probably the Dutch in me doing math…$40 / 9 hours = almost free (at least in the race world) and it came with a T-shirt! Conditions were near ideal, course was dry, skies were clear, sun was out, what more could you ask for?…perhaps an iceblock and a fan strapped to the handlebars! It was going to crest 38 degrees and although a nice portion was in the trees under cover it was going to be a tough one. The goal of this race was for me and Dave to ride together in prep for Crank the Shield but alas, his arch nemesis from O-cups past was there and well once the megaphone sounded he was long gone. I was content to ride far slower than race pace, it had only been 2 weeks since the last dislocation of my shoulder and I wasn’t quite up to giv’n’r on trails that I knew nothing of. The course was great! I fell 3 times on the first lap, once on the second and finally rode clean on the third. It had some steeeeep climbs, fast and/or sketchy downhills and some really nice rock features. The flow was found and it was a well laid out course. There were time bonuses to be had through contest participation, pie eating, waterbottle slingshot, bike limbo etc. Long and short of it was Dave blew his knee out and I got extremely dehydrated and began cramping in my legs and my right lat due to overly babying my left shoulder. Called it quits and went home before the pieeating began. Props go to Thomas Wood and the Mountainview crew for putting on a great event, though small in size was huge in heart!

24Hours of Hot August Nights!

So here we are on the cusp of the second most awesomest 24 hour race... I have rode this race but twice as i usually end up in the 'promised land' this time of year for whatever reason.

Not having a team to ride with after some failed negotiations, i came up with a very simple deal with these guys...

Yes, i will be riding through what appears to be some sour weather, i just love how all those a$$hat meteorologists/weatherpeoples call for sunshine on the weekend all week and then come Friday change thier tune to dooom and glooom! Let's face it, these kids don't know what the H they are doin' and should go back to sticking crayons up thier noses.

With all that watery stuff in the forcast i am going to complete at least one lap on one of them cute little misfit singlespeed numbers, hoping for hot pink or orange but either way it's going to be painful...but a good time. No matter the colour, the real treat is that the new Dissent (fe) , is hand crafted but Hugh Black of True North Cycles. If you know not of True North, you should do yourself, and your fellow man ,a courtesy by becoming edumacated in the ways of all things good...you may want to put a bib on or get your drool cup ready.

They're interweb personas are larger than life, but who can't spew BS all over the interweb.

No matter what the weather does, this weekends performance will be nothing short of brilliance.

Road Trip! T&R's Ubersweet MTB Adventure - East Coast Edition - Days 6 Sleepy Hollow

So we left the Old Stage coach Inn, in search of more riding. Rumour had it that there was riding a plenty in the hinesburg area, but after watching the stage of Le Tour we gathered that much of it was too soggy with the exception of Sleepy Hollow. Saddle up partner, it's time to ride! Great drive through the Vermontian country side, Garmin set us up with a super sweet route. Hit the top of smuggler's notch and the poor Vdub was givener all she had not to scream bloody murder. Stopped at the top for photo ops...

Then...there it was...the sign all roadies dream of....

A roadies dream that is if you are heading in the proper direction...needless to say this poor soul wasn't....

and we don't pick up hitchhikers...not even the friendly ones...

The rest of the drive out there was rather uneventful.

Got geared up and paid our dues and took Eli's advice and did the red loop...starting just behind the sauna...if you thought a sauna was hot, you should have seen me nearly naked at the top...behind the sauna the single track began immediately, all in the upward direction...guess this was karma for not picking up the hitchie on the way in. Although lungbusting, even Randall thought we should have warmed up, hindsight being what it is, we kept on given'r and the trail was well laid out, with a mix of rocks, roots and dirt! I love Dirt!

The trails were free of any major obstacles that would impede our flow with few exceptions, there was that one 45degree loose climb that even a billygoat on 'roids would have faltered on. There was a whole quasi-geeky Starwars theme going on, not that i mind, or think that i am above geekie but it was a little wierd.

I am much more inclined to like trails with names like 'this gunna hurt' or 'rocks aren't your friends' over 'millenium falcon' or 'yoda's way' although Yoda had some preddy dam nice single track...impressive to say the least.

Amazingly the rain held off and we had a great couple hours here. Only complaint is the last section of trail before you pop out should be labeled as such as it is an absolute treat that should be savoured by all.

Big props to Eli and the gang at Fellowship of the Wheel that keep this place kickin' a$$.

I celebrated day 6 of riding in the parking lot with a offering by Long Trail . And graciously, left my empty on the rear bumper for on some car sporting brotherhood of PoPo plates...figured if i gave him money it would be good karma for the remainder of our travels!

Just as we finished up with the bike wash and got ready to get movering along, yes you guessed it, a storm rolled on in and it rained.

We started on towards our next local in Barnes Corners, NY where rumour had it you could ride your mountain bikes...we like these kinda rumours lots!

The drive was quite eventful, it involved lots of storms, a well executed 270 degree turn, some deer, and two white guys dressed in indian drag attemptin to unstuck their Quad before the real indians showed up to kick their white hienies! After 3 hours of driving through storms we decided to call the remaining day of our trip off as even if it did stop raining, which it eventually did, the trails after this much rain would be absolutely awful.

Since we called it early we decided to take a detour...short cut...through the adirondacks...this drive was quite incredible and i will def make a point of returning...that much woods must have some bikeable trail in it after all.

Crossed the border back into canadistan at kingston at midnight and after a few questionable responses to the border guard we were permitted to pass out of the United Capitalist Republic of States. I was tired, i drove, Randall arrived safely in TO before his bed time, i drove on to the hammer and got stuck in the normal 2 am traffic when some knob up a head cracked up his car and closed the highway! performed Uey! on QEW then up the trafalgar onramp and around finally arriving home at 3am.

Great Adventure had by all....Thanks Randall!

Loooong weekending!

So after a tough week at work, year all four days of it, cause working friday's is for suckers! We grabbed our passports, the monster and our finest camping gear...well it's still our finest even though the aforementioned dog chewed it, and headed out for a weekend of fun in the Ellicottville area of Western NY. Now this isnt the first time we've done this and you would think we would have learned our lesson by now but apparently i am a weee smidge sloooooo on the uptake. Our lodging for the weekend is at Allegany State Park. Now don't get me wrong, the park is nice and the water is wet, and there are plenty of hiking trails but every time we go there there seems to be more water on the site than in the river! the last time we went there our site was under 2" of water, so we traded it for a raft, this time was no exception, well it was only 1/2" of water and there was nothing to trade i for. Well one thing was for sure, the monster didn't mind one bit. We decided to go to the beach in seach of some dryness in hopes that the sun would dry out our site but as it was at the bottom of the hill nearly it was hard to expect such miracles to come true. The beach was surprisingly good, covered with bird sh!t and sticks and whatnot, truth be told it's a man made beach next to a large resevoir, so first order of business is to see if the monster can swim. Best way to find out is the same way i found out...send her out with the lifeguard to the deepend and chuck her in! Or just throw a stick! Well she was hesitant and once in she made a valiant attempt to drink/inhale the 'lake' dry but alas it was not a success we had hoped for. I guess she is my dog after all...cause if she were my wife's she would be a natural swimmer. Upon our return we set up camp, still wet, in the blazing sun, with not a tree in site to shade our weary heads. Well unless you count the 3/4 dead 4 year old silver maple sapling about 50' away...wasn't even suitable to tie the monster too. Our friends J&A arrive, fashionalby late, but its great that they made it, with them they bring little E and the dog known as Dewert. Next morning, we had a splendid breakfast and I headed out of camp to get some reception for my phone call to arrange the time for the mountain bike ride with the True North gang et al. Made the call and found the schedule some tight...requiring departure 10 minutes ago. To add insult to injury there was a Triathalon being held in the park and we would have to drive through the park (slower than the interstate). Alas, got our gear and pushed the go-go-gadget rally car button and floored it out of there! Met up in e-ville and drove to some remote location to ride the bikes...the trails were wicked awesome and wet and challenging...was having a great time shooting the shit with Adam about the benefits of SS 29ers and his recent conversion to 'squish' in the front...when it all went to shit. I endo'd on a relatively simple section and landed poorly...by poorly i mean i dislocated my shoulder! We were well ahead of the rest of the gang and when Adam no longer heard my constant bantering...he returned to find me laying at the side of the trail. As he approached he actually got to watch as my shoulder reduced itself back into place! It's gross. So this isn't the first time this has happened and according to history will not be the last. I have seen a specialist who wants to cut me up and fix me for the low low price of 1 year getting fat whilst doing buttkiss. Rode for some time as it was mostly downhill and the after trauma adrenalin was pumping hard...eventually i was convinced to hike it out to another trail and rode fire roads back to the cars arriving seconds after the rest. Had J load up the bikes as i count reach my roof anymore and headed back to Allegany to relax and pick up wives, kid and puppies. Back at camp i started on my pill conconction that was perscribed for a bad back but does the trick for shoulder dislocation quite nicely. Then went to the beach where our 'the monster' showed us that she had learned to swim! Yeah Monster! Had a great barbeque at the Prouse's later that evening with good food, good convo, a wide assortment of beverages and a huge fire. Then headed on our way back out. the rest of the weekend was blurry and was highlighted by some ornamental iron shop, J's birthday dinner, and picking out our nursery bedding at pottery barn. Life is good (usually).

Baby on Board!

Shortly after getting our puppy "tha monster", my wife came home from work one early morning after putting in a hard 12 plus hours at the local ER tending to the Hammer's down & out and handed me one of them self-pregnancy tests indicating that she was 100% +ly pregnant. Then it donned on me "I'm going to be a dad!" and also that "I'm holding something she peed on!"

I was caught a little off guard by this news but looking back i see how i should have known. Ever since we got back from vacation all she did was sleep and work...and then there was the incident where she cried over the Monster being too much and something else of equal silliness. The former ("I'm going to be a dad!") was a pretty big news and a million thoughts begin to rush through your head, okay maybe just 10 or so but a million sounds way better: "Will I be a good father?" "Is it wrong to hope it's a boy?" "Do I need more life insurance?" "Insurance is a racket and should be outlawed!" "When's my wife going to get the mom-cut?" "What colour should I paint the baby's room?" "How will this affect my time for biking?" "Should I feel guilty for thinking the above?" "I better go on a vacation soon."

Having growedup in a family of just boys, girls have always been the oldly perplexing unknown, and unknown is what we fear the most. Gotta say i think girls scare me cause they have emotions...my wife tells me that I have emotions too but I just don't see it...okay so I guess grumpy is an emotion but still limited at best.

A few peculiarities occured along the way. Strangest one being that I got morning sickness! What the! This lasted for around 3 weeks and it was not pleasant...although it may have saved us a couple extra bucks on groceries that we can spend on diapers later. Nothing like only being able to eat 2 bits of breakfast before you feel nausious and then bike 1/2 hour to work without falling over from a bonk.

So it all seemed pretty surreal up until yesterday. So far my wife just keeps changing shape and tells me that she's only gained one pound! This doesn't bode well as I was hoping to lose one pound for every one she gained. Being 20 weeks now you can clearly tell she's pregnant, its more than a bump, and now it was time for our first ultrasound. I cruise home to pick up the 2 of them and head down to the local Hospital for our appointment, okay it wasn't that easy, luckily the hospital is close as the 2 of them were still in bed sound asleep when I got home 20 minutes before the appointment. Now we had a bootleg photo of our fetus produced by one of the high-tech Apple phone thingies but I wanted the real deal. I wanted to see that little parasite that was hosting on my wife MOVE!

There is something entirely helpless about being an expectant father. You don't really get much involvement it seems...sure there's backrubs required of you and you have to prepare the nursery and what not but it's such an external experience. You're pretty much just a not so innocent bystander who gets to sit back and just watch what unfolds.

So today was my day...or was it! After arriving, late I might add, we waited for our name to be called. I was then informed that I was not allowed in. Some BS rule that they had just started prolly because people were showing up with the whole extended family or something of the like. So, my wife is whisked away and I'm stuck in the waiting room with a handful of other suckers and countless posters warning me of the dangers of Swine Flue (or H1N1 as those politically sensitive wankers like to call it) and how I better drink the koolaid and use the handsanitizer available every 5 feet or so or await nothing short of certain death. And i wait and i wait and i wait! Now i'm getting a wee bit restless and am starting to think all i am going to get is to look at some picture at the end of it all! Some other guy gets to go with his significant other, well maybe she was there for a problem so i decide not to get irate. I want to see my baby move! I see the tech! but wait she's not coming this way...and she's moving about as speedily as a giant squid would in the Sahara...she goes into what i think is the break room for some time and finally emerges and requests me to follow her. So there's my wife in all her radiant pregnant glory with some jelly on her belly. The tech, who probably got her degree from DeVry or Athabaska Uni, starts it up and whirls the screen for our view and voila! There's our little baby. Complete with hands, arms, fingers, feet and toes, a heart in thier chest and a brain in thier head! So our little girl or boy looks perfect to me, now i just have to wait another 4.5 months to meet the little tyke! Now i guess its time to forget how to drive and mount one of these badboys in the rear window!

In my honest opinion, those baby on board signs are useless in the back window and should actually be mounted in the top left corner of the windshield facing inward to remind the driver to pay attention to the road and stop talking goo-goo gaa-gaa while putting the rest of the world's population in peril. These signs are akin to the Jesus fish, and drivers with hats....but i digress.

"Will I be a good father?" Well I don't know, but it sure won't be for a lack of trying!